


Piedmont Club for Supernatural Hijinxs

by orphan_account



Series: Druid of Gravity Falls [2]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: F/M, Magical Guitar that has an ancient dragon's soul, Monsters, New Friends, Piedmont's just as weird as Gravity Falls, fae, ignore that, no one's looked hard enough, there's gonna be new monsters, um, wait that's a spolier
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:08:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23569585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Dipper and Mabel aren't the most popular in their middle school, until a couple of run ins with the supernatural have gained them two new friends. Seeing how Pideomont is sorely lacking any knowledge on the subject, Dipper and Mabel decide to start a supernatural club.Lorelei is dragged along for the ride.
Relationships: Dipper Pines & Mabel Pines, One-sided Original Character & Dipper Pines
Series: Druid of Gravity Falls [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1590805
Kudos: 4





	Piedmont Club for Supernatural Hijinxs

If you asked Mabel Pines what her favorite part of the school day was, she would either do one of two things; think quietly for half a second before answering or start randomly shouting different things. You would then walk away feeling dazed and mentally telling yourself never to ask Mabel a question again if you could help it. But if you asked her brother, Dipper, he would either stammer something and slink off in embarrassment or let a fond smile slip onto his face and reply that it was lunch. 

Mabel wasn't having a good lunch now. It had started earlier that day when she woke up in her brightly colored room feeling like something very, very wrong had happened. Ordinarily she would have put the thought aside- she was too positive to let junk like that into her head- but today felt really wrong. Like someone kicked a puppy off a cliff wrong. It hadn't helped that she had forgotten to do her math homework since Lorelei had appeared and took her to her first sword fighting lesson, she had quickly learned that her teacher Camulos- the once Celtic demigod of war- was now a foul mouthed drunkard that was more interested in trying to kill her rather than teach her. The only reason she hadn't immediatly died was because Lorelai had smacked Camulos over the head and rather sternly told him that she was Lorelai's ward and if anything happened to her, Camulos could get his butt back over to Europe and deal with MacDougal.

Dipper had noticed her kinda mopey mood but when pressed Mabel couldn't put her finger on what was wrong. It was so weird that her clothes were even reflecting what she was feeling, a dark blue sweater with a cat hiding under an umbrella as a mad storm cloud rained down on it. Her mood worsened when she found out that one of her classmates, a bold and loud member of the volleyball team named Hannah, had her newborn brother kidnapped. 

She had regaled the story to them in homeroom. Last night someone had broken into their house, without waking her or her parents up and managed to snatch her brother. Her mom had literally just gotten home the other day and Amanda's family was going crazy trying to find him. 

So that left a very upset Mabel sitting at her and Dipper's favorite table poking at her lunch as she waited for her brother. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see a mob of kids surrounding Amanda giving her their condolences and a head to cry on if she needed it. Mabel had said the same, she would have offered more but with something like this, even her optimism was running low. 

"Hey Mabes." She heard and she turned around to see Dipper giving her a sad smile as he sat down next to her, his own lunch resting on the table and his tattered backpack slung over his shoulder as he sat down. Mabel made a noncommittal grunt as she looked back and continued picking at her food.

"Yeah," Dipper breathed as he looked at his lunch. "That's messed up. Who would kidnap a baby?"

"There are some real messed up people in the world Dip." Mabel muttered, more to herself than to her brother. "To bad it couldn't have been a monster or somethin'. Then the Mystery Twins could've kicked some butt!" She accented the last part by punching the air before she slumped back down. "Course, this is boring ol' Piedmont."

Dipper inhaled sharply. "That may not be entirely true."

Mabel's ears perked and she looked up. "Wha...?"

Her brother cleared his throat and looked around the cafeteria fervently before gesturing for Mabel to lean in closer. "I thought something was weird about the whole thing. How could someone break into a house without waking anyone up? Then it hit me. Kinda literally, remember how Lorelei took us over to that Celtic war god? Well, while you were practicing the art of the blade, Lorelei was giving me a lesson on quarterstaff fighting." He rubbed his arms and Mabel connected the dots on why Dipper was suddenly wearing long sleeves when it was like 60 outside. She winced and rubbed her head, Lorelei had a slight problem controlling her strength, light taps still hurt a  _ lot _ but Mabel knew she didn't mean to hurt them. "Anyways, I asked her why I needed to know how to use a quarterstaff- and I need a lot of practice, kept hitting myself- and she told me that there are some darker things Druids need to be aware of, stuff like eldritch horrors, the odd rouge dragon and demonic incursions."

"Demonic  _ what? _ "

"Really long story. But the point is the main problem Druids have to deal with are Fae."

Mabel perked up even more. Lorelei had given a run down on what Fae were, and they weren't like the stories Mabel grew up with. They were self serving tricksters that were less likely to take you on a magical adventure and more likely to make you dance until you died of exhaustion. And to make matters worse they came in different flavors, some worse than others. Some Fae were- what was the word? Benevolent?- but as a rule it was best to never trust one.

"Y'think a Fae kidnapped Amanda's brother? Why?"

"I don't know." Dipper sighed and rubbed his eyes. "It's probably their version of a joke."

Mabel hummed quietly and looked back over to where Amanda was sitting. She had her head on the table and looked exhausted. "Do ya think you can figure out what type took him?" 

"At first I thought Changeling but given her family knows he's missing, that's off the table." Dipper reached down and opened his bag, rummaging through it for a second before he pulled out a leather bound book, post-it notes poking out slightly bent. 

Mabel looked at in silent bemusement. It wasn't his journal, instead it was his DD&D Monster Manual. 

"We gonna play Dip?" Mabel said, a stupid smile curling across her face.

Dipper shook his head vehemently. "I don't have anything else to show you what I think kidnapped him." He quickly flipped through the pages as he muttered something under his breath. Mabel waited as he flipped through before he paused and cleared his throat before he read the blurb out loud.

_ "Annis hags leave tokens of their cruelty at the edges of forests and other areas they claim. In this way, they provoke fear and paranoia in nearby villages and settlements. To an annis hag, nothing is sweeter than turning a vibrant community into a place paralyzed with terror, where folk never venture out at night, strangers are met with suspicion and anger, and parents warn their children to "be good, or the annis will get you." These twisted Fae enjoy nothing more than to steal children, poison water and cause farm animals to go lame." _

"It's kinda rude to call them 'hags' isn't it? The Hand Witch wasn't the prettiest but still." Mabel huffed. She still didn't get what Dipper was going for. A witch stealing a baby?

Dipper winced and turned the book around letting Mabel see what he was looking at. A hunched over figure leered at her with a ugly smile. It looked like a giant crone with blackened skin, stringy, black hair, fingers that ended in long talons, and teeth made out of black stone. All in all, it was a terrifying sight. Mabel shuddered and hugged herself. That was something she never wanted to meet in the dark. 

"The Hand Witch is a witch, Hags are something much, much older and powerful." Dipper turned the book back towards him. "If what I'm reading is right- and Lorelei told me that sometimes books like this get some stuff right- then the annis hag must have a lair somewhere in the woods nearby Amanda's house."

"Still why would Annie want a baby? Maybe it just wants to be a mom!" Mabel fired back. 

Dipper glanced at her and took a deep breath in. "That's not why." He paused and Mabel gestured for him to keep going.

Dipper hemmed and hawed for a second before he blurted out, "Hags eat babies." Before he snapped his mouth shut.

Mabel could feel the blood draining from her face. "What?" She squeaked. 

Dipper nodded grimly, looking like he was about to throw up. "Apparently they need babies in order to make more hags." He lifted a hand to stop Mabel's next question. "Please don't ask me how, I don't know and I don't want to know." 

What. The.  _ Heck?  _ Eating babies was bad. Like Bill level bad. "What are we supposed to do?" She hissed at her twin. And what could they do? There was a giant hag running around in the woods near them with a kidnapped baby. Huh, oddly enough, that was the most Gravity Falls thing that had happened to them so far. 

"What can we do?" Dipper shot back. "Lori's up north dealing with some stuff and I don't think two thirteen years olds can handle a hag. Even a party of level 7 would have a hard time!"

"Can you cool it with the nerd talk bro-bro?" Mabel told him, furrowing her eyebrows. She immediately regretted it when Dipper pulled back and looked down. "Dip, I didn't mean that. It's I just don't get what all this levels an' stuff mean." She was internally cringing, she knew that Dipper still felt insecure about that and her teasing- which she dropped to an acceptable amount- still hurt. And she had to make him feel bad. She lifted a hand and rubbed his shoulder sympathetically. 

Dipper gave a half-shrug and shot her a sad smile in return. It didn't make her feel better but knowing that Dipper didn't hold it against her was a bit of a relief. 

"Anyways, we have two equally bad ideas. One, we do nothing and let Amanda's brother be devoured."

"Nay, I say!" Mabel cried slamming her fist onto the table.

"Or," Dipper continued, a smile creeping onto her face. "We go hag hunting and maybe almost die."

Mabel fell silent as she contemplated the two. If you asked her before Weirdmageddon, Mabel would have eagerly dragged Dipper out, but now she decided to use her rational part of her brain, before she glanced over Amanda who was still head first on the table, her heart clenched and her will hardened. "We're going hag hunting."

Dipper nodded and pulled out a notebook and a pen. "I assumed we would. Now," He started scribbling something frantically. "We need a plan. We both have one day of training."

"And I did great!"

"Mabel, Camulos nearly decapitated you."

"The key word is nearly. I defended myself pretty well, if I say so myself."

Dipper rolled his eyes and muttered something along the lines of, "Lori was the one that prevented that."

"Don't you have your druidy powers?"

"I only know two spells. And I need something made of wood to do that."

"Y'can turn your arm into wood though, Dip."

He turned to her with a look of horror and Mabel's brain caught up with her. "Oh."

"Yeah," Dipper breathed. "I'm not punching a hag unless I need to."

Mabel grimaced and bit her knuckle, thinking. Dipper read through the Manual, his eyes skimming the pages. He paused and gave a small whoop. "I'm an idiot." He groaned, but there was a spark of hope in it. "Fae are vulnerable to iron and salt! Mabel, your grappling hook might be our best weapon!" 

"Grunkle Stan taught me how to make smoke bombs! Shouldn't be too hard to add salt into the recipe."

Dipper broke into a wide smile and Mabel could feel her face returning it. This was what the Mystery Twins were meant to do, solve mysteries and beat the living crap out of any monsters that messed with them. 

"We need to leave tonight. The hag will eat Amanda's brother tonight."

"Nathan." Mabel supplied helpfully.

"Right, according to the Manual, there's a ritual hags need to do in order to make more hags. They need to keep the baby alive for at least two nights, during which they need to make a potion which they feed the baby with."

"So if he was stolen last night, then she'll eat him tonight?

Dipper gave a shrug as he poked at his burger. "That's assuming that I'm right."

Mabel waved his concerns off. "Dip, trust your gut. That's how I do it, and that's how Stan does it. Has it ever steered us wrong?"

"Stan is wanted in 32 states and went to prison in three countries." Dipper said flatly. "Is that really the best comparison?"

"I went with my gut when I slugged a unicorn in the face?"

Dipper made a 'eh' gesture. "I- I guess that counts?" He sounded confused, scrunching his face in the only way Dipper could. 

"So let's keep going with my gut and your brains, bro-bro. Has your big ol' head ever been wrong?"

Dipper's face hardened and he set his mouth in a grimace. "If I hadn't found the Journal, Stan wouldn't be able to finish the portal, we wouldn't have gotten Ford back and Bill wouldn't have been able to get into our world." He let out a huff as he laid his head on the table. 

"But then we wouldn't have gotten another Grunkle, Stan and Ford would still hate each other and our relationship would have gotten worse!" It was true, Grunkle Stan and Grunkle Ford had been keeping them updated on their adventures. After their brief stint in Canada- which Lorelei had said to return whatever they stole, she didn't want to deal with Hyperboreans- they had sailed northward to Alaska, in which Stan pissed off a orcamaid, Ford nearly drowned trying to fend of their camp from Akhluts and the two of them had gotten trapped in a ice maze with giant albino penguins. Stan had tried to smuggle one, before Ford had argued that maybe taking a 6- foot tall penguin wasn't the best of ideas. 

And her and Dipper's bond was stronger than ever. Yeah, they still argued about stuff- they were siblings, that was a given- their varying interests making it hard to really enjoy the others. But it was better than how it used to be, almost dying in a chaos filled apocalypse started by her is the best kind of family bonding. Mabel would hate to see what her and Dipper's life would be like if they never left California. Would their differences finally wind up tearing them apart? Would she drift through high school and life without her brother at her side?

No, that was enough sad talk for now. Now was the time to finish eating- she was starving- and get ready for the rest of the day. They had a hag to take care of. Speaking of eating...

"Dip, you gotta eat somethin'." This wasn't a new habit, if Dipper had something on his mind- or a book- he would forget to eat. Given he was alternating between his Monster Manual and his Journal, she would be lucky if Dipper would be even able to concentrate for the rest of his classes. 

Dipper made a noncommittal grunt as he wrote something down, looked back at the Manual and kept reading. "For the love of," Mabel groaned and ran her hands down her face. Dipper was going to hate her for this. 

Softly, as to not draw unwanted attention she sang; "Everyone's it's time to eat, now put your books down. Look up at me and grab your fork, it's time to eat now." She clapped her hands to the beat as Dipper idly put his book down and picked up the burger, taking a bite out of it. The Mealtime Song, as it was named in the Pines household was their mom's way of getting Dipper to actually eat. She had to do it back in Gravity Falls when Dipper, too absorbed in Journal 3 would just sit at the table and read. Dipper hated it when she did it, it was one of the only times when he was actually upset at her. And seeing what happened with the sock opera, Mabel winced as she watched her brother eat. Dipper would not be happy.

Dipper cleaned his tray off and blinked groggily after he put it down. "Wait," He started looking at her.

"I'm sorry! I just thought you needed your strength and you weren't eating and, and, and." She trailed off when she realized Dipper was mad at her. 

"It's fine Mabes," Dipper told her, he wasn't smiling per se, but there was a ghost of a grin creeping along. "I know I can get a bit obsessed."

"That's a understatement." Mabel muttered before Dipper threw his tissue at her. "Hey!"

"And you can be a bit obsessed with sugar. Point is, I'm alright with you getting me to eat. Just don't make a habit out of it."

"Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye." Mabel crowd, giving Dipper a side hug. There was disaster averted, Dipper had gotten better with eating as he grew older but times like these called for the Song. "Just as long as you don't go around reading instead of eating." She giggled. "You ain't an alien that eats from reading, are you?"

"Weirdly enough," Dipper started before a thought barged into Mabel's head. She lifted a finger to stop Dipper. "Wait, are we going to tell Amanda? How're we suppose to return Nathan then?"

Dipper nodded slowly. "That makes sense, but Mabel, this isn't Gravity Falls. Piedmont doesn't have supernatural creatures. At best, she'll think we're messing with her, at worse she'll think we're making fun of her."

"Well, we have proof though." Mabel pointed out. "We have you, a couple of pictures of monsters, and if things get really bad we can have Lorelei pop by."

Dipper chewed his lip, frowning. "I'm not sure Lorelei would like that. She doesn't like other people knowing who she is." 

"That's fair but still," Mabel said. "She could make an exception for us."

Dipper coughed into his fist. They both knew that would be next to impossible. Lorelei didn't hate people, she just really didn't like them, to the extent that most of Gravity Falls didn't even know she existed. Getting her to appear in the suburbs would be trying to force Dipper into one of her sweaters. 

She was a hermit to be frank. 

"Let's at least finish eating. We still got two more classes and I know you'll have a crash if you don't eat enough." 

Mabel stuck her tongue out and bit into her burger before her eyes bulged out. "Darn it! I forgot the ketchup and glitter."

* * *

Two and half hours later, Dipper was still having second thoughts on the whole 'telling Amanda that the supernatural was real' plan. He understood Mabel's reasoning, but did they really want to drag another person into this? The two of them had only managed to survive Gravity Falls thanks to luck, timing, and each other. 

But Mabel had insisted. It was Amanda's brother they were rescuing, and at the very least she could stall her parents while they- oh gods they might need to break in the house- discreetly returned him. 

He scratched his wrist while they walked to Amanda's house, Mabel had remembered it from her last birthday party and it was a 10- minute walk over there from the school anyway. 

Mabel bumped his shoulder and he looked over to see a concerned look on her face. "You okay bro-bro?" 

Dipper thought about saying 'yes' then decided that Mabel wouldn't believe him for a second. "No, I just feel nervous and itchy." He scratched his shoulder at that. "It feels like how I was with Wendy really." 

Mabel hummed under her breath. "Y'know I don't think Amanda ever really talked to you that much. I'm friendly with her but she's never met you." She shook her head. 

"Well maybe it's just me being awkward again," He said. "Because there's nothing," He gasped suddenly, his arm feeling much heavier than it should be. He fell to his knees, Mabel hearing his ragged breaths turning back around. 

"W-what's going o-on?" He managed to get out. His arms felt like lead, and he struggled to lift his head up.

"Maybe the hag put a curse on you?" Mabel joked, the thin smile on her face slipping as she knelt beside him. She glanced at his sleeves frowning. She reached over and started tugging them up.

"What're you..." He was cut off when he saw what was happening.

His entire right arm was made of stone crudely fashioned into the roughest shape of a human arm. And to his horror- and to Mabel's amusement- it was slowly spreading upwards. 

"Huh," Mabel said poking at his arm. "That's why you were so itchy."

"Great, my powers are going out of whack." He muttered. "That bodes well for us."

"It might be 'cause you're nervous. Didn't Lorelei say that your anxiety could cause spasms like that? Do ya have your totem on you?"

It was a silly question, Dipper had made a habit of taking the totem anywhere where his emotions could trigger his powers. (Mainly school.) He gestured at his bag, Mabel fished it out and handed it over to him. He felt a gentle buzz roll through his body and he relaxed into it, feeling the magic wash over like a gentle wave.

Slowly, he could feel the weight of his arms lessen and he slowly rolled his shoulders. "Yeah, that's much better. Whew." He wiped some sweat off his forehead. "That was weird."

Mabel shrugged good naturedly. "Meh, it  _ was  _ kinda cool, but y'know not that cool. If you could do it on purpose then yeah."

Dipper pouted as Mabel helped him to his feet. "What part of being able to turn into stone isn't cool?"

"Well, you won't be able to swim, you can't wear short sleeves  _ and _ you'll feel really itchy all the time. So it ain't exactly useful, besides you wouldn't even be able to do anything with it."

That was fair. Mabel was smarter than people gave her credit for. Still, that hurt. Lorelei had years of experience over him and was an Archdruid on top of it. She could literally move mountains, level forests, and if she really wanted to, rearrange the land itself. There was a reason why Texas looked the way it did. He sighed as they kept walking. Maybe he should ask Lorelei to teach him some spells that could do some damage. While the  _ Shillelagh _ spell was a combat spell, it was very basic, nothing flashy, which probably why Mabel thought so little about it.

He sighed again. Lorelei's schedule- or lack thereof- was driving him crazy. She would pop in, take him for an afternoon of teaching, and then throw him back home when it started getting late. Lorelei told him once summer rolled around, and the twins returned to Gravity Falls, she would be able to teach him better.

"We're here!" Mabel sang as they stopped in front of a very nice two story house. It looked well maintained, certainly better than the Shack ever did. The grass was cut and the house was painted a humble white. Dipper glanced at the driveway, noting that there was no car there, Amanda was either by herself or out with her parents. 

He shivered, this time from nerves rather than the chill that had descended on them. "Last chance to back out." He murmured out the side of his mouth. 

"We ain't doing that Dip," Mabel said, shooting him a stink eye. "I get you're nervous and all, but Amanda needs to know what we're doing. Would you like being kept in the dark if someone you loved was..." She trailed off, realizing what she was saying. Dipper bit his lip, trying his hardest not to think about the three days when he couldn't find Mabel. Of running through the ruins of the town he loved. He knew that Mabel didn't mean to say that, her mouth sometimes ran off ahead of her brain. 

He took a deep breath, trying to remember Lorelei's meditation lessons.  _ 4 seconds in, hold for 4 and let out for 6. _ He repeated it a couple more times, his heart finally settling down. "Let's do this." He told Mabel in an attempt to keep his composure. 

Mabel gave a firm nod and hand in hand they walked up to the front door. Mabel rapped on it, calling out; "Amanda! It's me Mabel! Y'know the girl who tried to set you up with that drummer boy last year?"

For a while there was silence, before the door cracked open and a green eye looked through. "The one that liked playing video games more than actually being a boyfriend?" There was a chuckle that sounded like someone who hadn't laughed in days. "Yeah, nice try Brace Face." The nickname was one of endearment rather than an insult. The door swung open and a frizzy haired Latino girl leaned up against it, a small smile slowly emerging. Her leather jacket was tied around her waist, showing off her Leather Snakes t-shirt. She nodded towards Mabel before glancing at Dipper. "Who's Lumberdork over here?" 

Mabel nudged Dipper in the side gently and nodded towards Amanda. Dipper cleared his throat before he walked forward. "My name's Dipper. I'm Mabel's brother, I'm sure she's mentioned me."

"Yeah," Amanda said nodding in thought. "You're the band kid, ain't ya? What instrument you play?" She looked him up and down. "I'm guessin' flute." She flicked her hair back. "Don't think you have it in you for the brass family."

"I, uh, actually play the uh, sousaphone." Dipper scratched the back of his neck, almost wilting at Amanda's appraising look. 

"That explains why I never met you." She flexed her fingers and checked her nails. "I only talk to people who play real instruments. Or are in strings." She shrugged. "Either way, it's nice to meet you dork." She opened the door and gestured for them to come in. "Get in here, I need some company."

Mabel grinned and ran inside, while Dipper cautiously walked inside. He nodded at Amanda as he passed, who smirked like she knew something Dipper didn't. 

The house was messier than one would have expected. A laundry basket left unattended by the stairs, a guitar resting next to the door. 

"You caught me off guard Pines." Amanda said as she squeezed past Dipper. "Didn't expect anyone to come see me. Y'know how middle school is." She raised her voice in a poor imitation of what Pacifica sounded like. "Oh, my gawsh. That's horrible! Oh, I'm  _ so _ sowwy." She returned to her normal voice. "Y'know how it's like."

"Yeah," Mabel said already sitting on a chair in the kitchen. "One of our friends back up in Gravity Falls was like that. Always saying stuff like that."

"Was she? Huh, nice to know assholes like her are a worldwide thing." Amanda grinned and went over to the fridge. "You two want juice?"

Mabel nodded frantically and Dipper shrugged. Amanda picked one out and threw it behind her without looking. Mabel launched herself out of the chair, grabbed the juice box and slammed hard back onto the floor. Dipper winced and Amanda looked concerned at Mabel who stood up proudly. 

"Hah! Perfect 10/10 for me! And I didn't even smash it." 

"Huh. Hey Mabes? How's about we don't do that again? I really don't want to explain to my parents why there's a pool of blood.''She lowered her conspiratorially. "'Specially if I don't the 'rents to be caught." She snorted at that, missing the glance Dipper threw over at Mabel. 

Still laughing she handed over a juice box to Dipper and lounged on one of the chairs. "So, what're you here for? Really." She stabbed the straw into the juice box and looked at the two of them seriously. "You don't know me all that much, besides the fact that Mabel came to my birthday last year." She leaned forward and frowned. "Is this about Nathan?"

Dipper and Mabel exchanged looks, Mabel fidgeting with her hair, Dipper rubbing the back of his head. "Mandy," Mabel started.

"Do  _ not _ call me that." Amanda snapped, her fist clenching on the juice box sending a stream of liquid erupting out. 

_ Whoo boy. _ "Mmm," Dipper said. "Okay, you might not believe us but..." He coughed and resisted the urge to itch. "Your brother, is uh, kinda, y'know."

"Your brother's been kidnapped by a hag!" Mabel burst out. 

_ "What?"  _

"Mabel!"

"Hehe, sorry. You were kinda taking a while to tell her." She giggled slightly before she caught sight of Amanda’s face.

"Is this some kind of fucking joke?" Amanda growled, shooting out of her chair and stalked over to the two of them. "You think it's funny that my little brother is gone?" 

"Whoa, whoa, Amanda," Mabel said holding up her hand in a pacifying manner. "I know how that's like."

"Yeah, listen, we don't have proof, but," Dipper started before a fist caught him in the stomach. He curled inward, before another one caught him in his side. 

"Amanda! Stop!" He heard Mabel cry as Dipper staggered back. He managed to look up in time to see Mabel putting Amanda in a chokehold, her other hand twisting Amanda's hand back.

"Mabel don't hurt her!" Dipper yelled before he coughed. "Ooh, ow, that hurts."

"She punched you bro-bro," Mabel told him, looking up at him. "I can't just do nothing."

"Well don't choke her." He shot back, Amanda's face was turning blue at an alarming rate. 

Mabel grumbled something but reluctantly loosened her grip on Amanda's neck. "You sure Dip?"

"Trust me." Dipper heard himself say. He slowly stood up and approached Amanda who was thrashing in Mabel's grasp, cursing at them in Spanish. 

"Amanda, listen. Your brother is still alive, but we need you to calm down, please." Something about his voice must have stirred something in her since she stopped struggling and looked at him with a glare that could kill. 

"Whatever," She muttered. "Now let me go you, idiota." Mabel did so, letting Amanda back up. She rubbed her neck and glanced at Mabel warily. "Dang girl. You wrestle bears over the summer?" 

There was a discordant unison of; "Something like that." and "I punched a unicorn!" From the two of them.

Amanda blinked at that and walked over to the table. "I need a freaking drink." She sat down heavily and massaged her forehead. "And why did you punch a unicorn?"

Mabel smirked and gestured at Dipper to start their story. 

"If you've ever taken a road trip through the Pacific Northwest, you've probably seen a bumper sticker for a place called Gravity Falls." He gestured wildly. "It's not on any maps, and most people have never heard of it. Some people think it's a myth. But it's real, a place where the rules of what is real and what's not is broken. There the supernatural, natural and everything in between live in peace."

Mabel cut in; "It's awesome! There's monsters like gremloblins, gnomes and..." She blinked and considered something for a second. "Does the gobblewonker count? Even though McGucket built it?" 

"The what?"

"Actually Lorelei told me it exists. The stories of it go back to when she was young."

"Who?"

Laughing at the very confused look on Amanda's face, Dipper and Mabel filled her in on their many, many misadventures. Without telling her, Mabel glossed over some of his more embarrassing moments, his crush on Wendy, the Lamby-Lamby dance and him 'kissing' Mermando. 

They both unanimously decided to skip over anything dealing with Bill or Weirdmageddon. Dipper wasn't sure if Amanda would understand what horrors the top hat wearing triangle inflicted on them. 

Amanda.exe had seemed to have failed. She was oddly quiet, a small smirk and a snort being the only things out of her mouth. He supposed it was fair, Gravity Falls was hard to explain, it needed to be seen, felt, lived. 

He had decided to let Mabel explain about her own training, or really a 3- hours of trying not to get killed. He had opted not to tell Amanda about Lorelei just yet, wanting to keep his teacher's identity a secret for now out of respect- and that Lorelei might kill her if she told anyone.

"Huh," Amanda said as Mabel finished up. "And here I was going to band camp." She shook her head in amazement. "You two had a crazy summer." He looked back at them. "So, according to you two, Nathan was taken by a witch?"

"A hag to be more accurate."

"Yeah, we met an actual witch. She was nice, but she had an obsession with hands."

"So wait, she had like a hand fetish or something?"

"No."

"Maybe?"

The twins looked at each other, both of them in obvious confusion.

"I'm just saying, if she has an obsession with hands, that sounds like a fetish."

"She just likes hands."

"Still a fetish though."

Dipper cut in, "Can we debate whether or not the Hand Witch has a hand fetish later?"

"Okay that's a bit on the nose isn't it?"

"Blame Grunkle Stan." Dipper groused as Mabel chuckled. "He and our Grunkle Ford have the same problem."

" _ Right, _ the hampire. Mabel, you sure your pig never got bitten by it?"

"Please, nothing bad ever happened to Waddles. Except being taken by a pterodactyl. And the whole time travel thing. And the zombies."

Dipper raised his hands to stop Mabel and looked over at Amanda. "The point is, we think your brother might still be alive." Amanda leaned forward, the easy smile slipping off, showing the face of a very worried older sister. "The hag must have slipped from the Fae Realm into this one. Since its Autumn the realms are closer together, making it easier for them to cross over." 

"But why my house? And why a baby?"

"Hags use babies to make more hags, it's a messy process. I'm not 100% sure if the hag is close to your house, but if it is, then it was just out of time restraints and practicality." 

Amanda cocked her head to one side. "Why? If it's so powerful?"

Mabel spoke up, her incursion with Lorelei giving her a little bit more info on the Fae Realm than Dipper. "Portals like that are like a flare to anything else. Y'think gnomes and stuff came to Gravity Falls from out world?" She stuck her tongue out, "Nah girl, they used to be Fae that got kicked out."

Amanda laughed. "Yeah, stealing girls to be their queen? Those chicos are crazy."

"Preaching to the choir sister. But the point is," Nodding over at Dipper. "Is that we need to prepare. Hags, like most Fae, can be hurt real bad by iron and salt."

Dipper butt in before Amanda could ask the obvious question. "Iron burns, salt bleeds." That was a mantra that Lorelei drilled into his head, as well as always keep his totem on him, never let Mabel take his totem, and never play hopscotch with a wendigo. He opted not to question the last one, Lorelei was a secretive woman and any attempts to pry- mainly by him- ended with Dipper giving up and Lorelei letting out a sigh of relief. 

Mabel was giving Amanda a rundown on what she would need to bring, lights, some snacks, a quick recipe for smoke bombs and a couple of other smaller stuff she might need. "If we're lucky, we'll be in an' out with Nathan and not even see the hag!"

"The key word is 'if'." Amanda muttered but she accepted the fact as it was. "Y'deal with hags before? Sounds like you guys are professionals."

"We dealt with some supernatural stuff, not hags but we consider ourselves experienced." Dipper told her while Mabel nodded enthusiastically.

"Better get home Dip," Mabel said to him as an aside. "Mom and Dad are almost home, and I gotta do my homework for tonight and the one from yesterday." 

Amanda nodded gravely. "Miss Wallace is the worst."

"Yep, but just you wait. When the sun sets, we're going on a hag hunt!"


End file.
